My pathetic response to a common email.

My Dearest Ajay.

Here is a small ABSOLUTELY TRUE INCIDENT for you and all others like you who must have received a lot of BlackBerries (I LOVE Strawberries) and Windows Tablets (I only need Prozac and Viagra) and the $ 490,088,069 that I left with my Nigerian extra-virgin 19 year old wife before getting killed by Herr Kuoni Mbvutu Jhingalala, the former dictator of Kuduakarnam.

A husband once took his good wife to play her first game of golf.

Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed.

“I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.”

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said,

“Come on in.”

When they opened the door they saw the damage that had been done: glass was all over the place and a broken antique bottle was lying on on it’s side near the broken window.A big fat bald man  was reclining on the couch and asked,

“Are you the good people who broke my window?”

Uh….yeah, sir. We’re sure sorry about that.” the husband replied.

“Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually, I want to thank you. You see, I am a genie and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you have released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish but, if you don’t mind, I’ll keep the last complimentary one for myself.

Wow, that’s great!” the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out,

I’d like a Crore rupees a year for the rest of my life.

No problem.” said the genie. “You’ve got it, it’s the least I can do and I’ll guarantee you a long, healthy life! And, now you, young lady, what do you want?” the genie asked.

I’d like to own a gorgeous home, complete with servants, in every country in the world.” she said.

Consider it done.” the genie said. “And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters and peeling wall paints, so common here in India because of the lousy moisture retaining sand you guys use!

And now,” the couple asked in unison, “What’s your wish, Genie?

Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle and haven’t been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have some wild, untamed and ravishing sex with your wife for this one whole week; day in and day out; employing all kinds of all kinks and Tantric positions that I know of.

The husband looked at his wife and said, “PraanPriya. You know we both now have a fortune, and all of those houses. What do you think?”

Although she is already excited at the Genie’s description of what all he wants to do with her, she pretends to mull over it for a while and says, “You know, you’re right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I will endure the insolence. But what about you, Parmeshwar?”

You know I love you sweetheart,” said the husband. “I’d undergo the same torture for you!

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the week enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about 604 869 seconds of non-stop whipping and lashing and licking and sucking sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, “How old are you and your husband?”

Why, we’re both about thirty-five.” she responded breathlessly.

And what do you do for a living?

He is a Hindi Medium Maths JBT Teacher and gives tuitions for P.M.T. and A.I.E.E.E. and I am the ONLY female Network Administrator for Cisco in Gurgaon.

NO SHIT! Thirty-five yeas old and all this education and both of you still believe in genies? Go, ask for a refund from your respective schools and pay it back to your old parents who spent all that on two idiots like YOU  !

Ha hAh ha ha aha Haa ahhh Haaa…

Ajay Bhai, out of the 4 Blackberry sets that you must have received by now, would you not please give me 1?

Dekh le, Bhai Nahi hai?

That was I, Rahul, laughing! Why so, because, believe it or not, I was the Genie. By God ki Kasam!

Rahul Sharma.

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