A Reliance Bill Collector and My Beretta 418.

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He was out on his Job, collecting overdue Bills….

I was out on a roll with a bleeding nose, probably due to the oppressive heat that my room accumulates due to the east facing French-Windows. Had taken an off from my night shift and so woke up at 8 AM, instead of going to bed at this exact same time.

I woke early so thought of cleaning up the messy room.

Was deep into the dirty, dusty drudgery, so was in only my H-Shaped underwear. You know, the one that sexy male models NEVER Advertise or would be caught dead in…

I had cleaned up the Computer Table, stacked / stashed all my usable / unused-in-5-years CDs and was now into a Wills Navy Cut’s filter tipped smoke.

Bang ON!

There he was!!!

Wearing a cheaply faded cheap red shirt, at my door of the room that is on the first floor of the duplex flat that I Boss around with my own Super Ego.

Conversation:-

“Yes???”

“Gagandeep Singh Virk???”

“No, Rahul. And You???”

“Myself, Ram Parkas from Reliance.”

“And?”

“I come here to collect overdue bill of Mr. Gagandeep Singh Virk.”

“Then you will have to go to Madras as he has left this place and shifted there. However, please tell me how did you get here?”

“We keep all aadress rekord in our komputer and it tell me when I go to where to take money. And I come to Sector 56” (Smiles.)

“No, I mean, HOW did you get to this step of the stairs?”

“darwaajaa khhulla thhaa, you see?” Gives me a condescending look saying, “How do you like them apples???”

Just before this Red Apparition- holding a tattered Neelkamal notepad, a crisp Printout of the Defaulter’s List, and a Tuchhu Red Pen; Cheaper and Redder than his cheaply faded cheap red shirt- appeared, Prakash, my Man-Friday had gotten into cleaning up the dust bunnies behind the Computer Table and just before that, I had oiled my Beretta. To protect it from the resulting dust storm, I had tucked it in my H‑Shaped underwear’s backside!

There IT came out- snapping the elastic of my underwear against my skin- right up to his forehead….

“ab teraa sir khulegaa… Prakash, Saab ko Paani Pilaao…”

The red pen went rolling down the Exact Same stairs, where Lizzy had once gone. The notepad got struck in his trembling fingers that were on the ends of his shaking hands.

“Sir, Sir, Matlab…?????????????????”

“Ab Boss, tujhhe maarne se pehle paani pilaanaa to apni Bhhartiya sabhhyataa sikhhlaati hai… Hai Naa???. You are in my house and if I shoot you in the head, I am immune. I am EXONERATED!!!”

“Sir, Sir, Matlab…?????????????????”

I did not take the pains to explain to him the situation. Told him to go down and ring the bell and I would be there, shortly.

Yahoo-ed Gagandeep Singh Virk and told him about the pending bill. He called me on the cellular phone that I gave to the Shaky and wet hands- wet due to the cold water, 3 glasses, that he had GULPED IN- of Mr. Ram Parkas from Reliance.

The matter was settled on phone as Gagandeep Singh Virk had forgotten to clear this phone’s dues before leaving and presently he would have made the payment.

All this while Ram Parkas from Reliance was standing outside of my door, fervently refusing to take a chair inside…

I and Prakash still discuss if, Ram Parkas from Reliance, is still with the company or has resigned……………………………………………

Comments / Opinions…. ???

Ra.

Monday May 8, 2006 – 12:47am (IST)

P. BERETTA-Cal. 6,35 Brevettata Gardone V-T 1937-XVI